Dirty jokes are jokes that you cannot share with anyone, such as your relatives. But to impress someone, you can share these. So if you are looking for adult dirty jokes, funny new dirty jokes, best dirty jokes and dirty joke of the day then you have come to the right place. Here we have collected 50+ Funny Dirty Jokes Of The Day. You can share these dirty funny new dirty jokes of the day with your girlfriend wife crush or friend to make him/her laugh and also if you are interested in doing something hot and sexy you can share these jokes to give him/her a hint.
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New dirty jokes
Wife asks her husband, “How many women have you slept with?”
Husband replies, “One, two, three, four, you, five, six…six total.”
My mother thinks I’m gay. Can someone help me prove her wrong?
What does a bitch say to another bitch?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re crazy.
Congratulations! You have been voted “The Most Beautiful Girl In The Room” and the grand prize is a night with me!
What is 15 cm long, 5 cm wide and drives everyone crazy?
A $100 bill.
Two different fish are swimming against a wall… One turns to the other and says, “Damn!
What is the difference between LOVE, TRUE LOVE and ADVERTISE?
Answer – Spit, swallow and gargle.
A boy said to his mother, “I couldn’t sleep last night, so I went to your room. Why were you jumping up and down on dad?”
His mother said, “Well, dear, I squeezed the air out of him.”
The boy replied, “Oh, then you’re wasting your time. The lady next door blows him up every day.”
I asked myself: do your lips taste anywhere near as good as they look? Probably not.
What did the guy say when he was caught masturbating due to an optical illusion? “It’s not what it looks like!”
How does an application to Hooters work? They just hand you a bra and say, “Here, fill this in.”
A woman hasn’t had sex with her husband in years, so he takes her to the doctor.
The doctor takes her to the examination room, but finds that she is healthy and physically everything is fine.
So he asks her what could prevent her from having sex with her husband.
She replies, “Well, my husband gives me money to work every morning, but it only covers my first bus there.” So I get in the cab and the driver asks, “So you have a car ride today, or what?”
“So I stop having sex with the cab driver to pay my fare.”
“Then I’m late for work and my boss calls me into the office and says, ‘You’re late again, am I going to fire you or what?’
“So I have sex with my boss to keep my job.”
“Then I don’t have money for lunch, so it’s still an ‘or what’ with that
Canteen manager.”“I’m coming back late from lunch, so it’s another ‘or what’ with my boss.”
“Then I’ll go home, another taxi, another ‘or what’.”
“When I get back to my house, I’m just completely exhausted.”
“So, do you want to tell your husband or what?”
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because they keep asking for directions.
Why did the semen cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
What is the difference between your pens and a bonus check? Someone is always ready to screw up your bonus.
It’s a sunny day at the pond. What is the frog saying today? “Rub it”.
What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a good year. The other is a great year.
What does the receptionist at the sperm bank say? Thank you for coming here today!
It is said that kissing is a language of love. So would you mind starting a conversation to find out if that’s true?
Are you an elevator? Because you don’t mind pacing with you all day.
Also Share: Top 50 Funny Knock Knock Jokes For Kids And Adults
Funny new dirty jokes for adults
Wife: Darling, am I pleasing you in bed?
Hubby: Yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth.
Woman: What trick?
My husband: The one that makes you shut the fuck up and go to sleep.
“Give it to me! Give it to me!” She screamed. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I kept the umbrella.
“I bet you can’t tell me anything that makes me happy and sad at the same time,” one husband tells his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then replies, “Your… is bigger than your brother’s.”
AD*ck has a sad life.
His hair is a mess, his family is crazy, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend sucks, and his owner regularly beats him.
My girlfriend tried to wow me on the hood of her Honda Civic. But I declined. If I do that, then on my own.
If I was addicted to masturbation and then became addicted to love, would it be safe to say my addiction is out of control?
The best new dirty jokes
I asked a Chinese woman for her number. She said: “S*x! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”
A man lies on the beach wearing nothing but a hat across his lap. A woman walking by remarks, “If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady.” He replies, “If you were a sexy lady, your hat would lift itself.”
Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina? Doesn’t matter. You’ll never get it!
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong in so many ways.
Why is masturbation the same as procrastination? It’s all good until you realize you’re just kidding yourself.
Hilarious new dirty jokes
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and said to her mother, “Frankie Brown showed me his wife at the playground today!” Before the mother could voice any concerns, Sally continued, “It reminded me of a peanut.” Sally’s mother relaxed with a hidden smile and asked, “Really small, right?” Sally replied, “No, salty.” Mom passed out.
Also Share: 25+ I Love You Quotes and Messages for Him and Her
“Babe, is it in?” “Yes.” “Does it hurt?” “Uh huh.” “Let me insert it slowly.” “It still hurts.” “Okay, let’s try a different shoe size.”
S*x is like a burrito, don’t unwrap it or the baby will be on your lap.
New dirty jokes of the day
“I’ve never laughed a woman into bed, but I’ve laughed one out of bed many times.”
The naughty boy draws Ap*nis on a blackboard. The teacher rubs it off. The next day, he draws a larger one and writes, “Remember, the more you rub, the bigger it gets!”
My mother thinks I’m gay. Can you help me prove her wrong?
Your butt is nice, but it would be nicer if it were on my lap.
Congratulations! You have been voted “The Most Beautiful Girl In The Room” and the grand prize is a night with me!
How is sex like a bridge game? When you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
What is the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex brightens your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick a lot pussy.
What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear. The other is a Great Year.
Do you want to know why it is said that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? Because if you eat that stuff, you’re probably eating everything.
What is the difference between a slut and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A slut sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
Why do women have orgasms? Just another reason to whine, really.
What’s the difference between your wife and your job? After five years, your job will still suck.
What did one prostitute’s knee say to the other? How come we spend so little time together?
What do you call two men fighting over a slut? whore dragger.
How’s a woman like a street? Both have manholes.
What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common? They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty screwed.
